Saturday, September 28, 2013

Daisy. (Part 1)

"I think we need to stop... Doing this." She says, before drinking her soda from a pink paper straw. She is sitting with her legs crossed, her hands holding the soda can from both sides. She lets her back leans on the sofa, trying to look as comfortable as possible, when in fact, she really just want to run and curl in her bedroom, wrapped up by her yellow bedcover, safe and sound, and stare blankly at the beautiful sky that never stops to amaze her.

The boy who is sitting right in front of her blinks his eyes multiple times, like trying to double check if she was really saying that. He looks so shocked, even though he isn't trembling outside, his eyes tell you that he is trying to hold on before crumbling down.

"What do you mean... 'With this'?" He finally says. It wasn't fully a rhetorical question, it was half that, and half confusion. He didn't know that it was coming, and he didn't think it would. It was completely out of the blue, or maybe he was just too blind to see.

The girl starts to shake a little, her eyes don't water, but it doesn't mean its easy for her. She sips her soda, and curses herself in her mind. Why did she order soda? She already is having a hard time gulping her own saliva. She needs water. She needs water. But she doesn't have time to order, because the longer she stay, the harder things will be.
"You know," she says, uncrossing her legs. And iron her perfectly neat blouse with her hand. "Us."


Dean's Point of View

Later that afternoon, I got home late. Still under my curfew, but late. Not that mom minded. She knew i went to a cafe after school, and i promised her to get home at 3 to help her with something. But I got home at 5, with such a soulless expression. I guess she somehow knew that i wasn't okay, so she let me go.

After 'she' broke up with me at the cafe, i went for a long, long walk. I walked until my feet hurt. I walked until i thought i heard my shoes crying for help. I walked through a couple blocks before i realized that I was heading to the direction of her house. Maybe it was out of habit, because i always walk her to her house, well, until today. Or maybe it was just a random coincidence. Or maybe not.

I don't even know.
I don't even know if she torn my heart into pieces.
I don't even know if it was a break up or not. Because we never really declare ourselves as a couple.
I don't even know.

Its 11.30 pm now. I have tried to sleep. Trust me, i did. But I just couldn't. I'm sitting on a black rug, the only thing that protects me from the cold floor. I stare blankly at the starless sky, somehow enjoying the way the wind blows my hair through the wide open window. I cant seem to focus my mind.

I miss her.

I didn't even realize how dependent i am toward her for the past few months until i lost her.


I don't know if its because of her name, or its just her. But she blossoms like a daisy. She is sweet. She is funny. She is smart. She is sharp. She is sensitive. And she is bright, like the yellow in the daisy. She brings brightness to her surroundings, like the white that surrounds the yellow. She makes me feel good. She makes me laugh. She makes me happy.

She is beautiful. And I don't think she knows it.

Her eyes. They are blue, and i can see ocean through them. They are pure, calm, and honest. They are like a bottle of water in the middle of a drought. Refreshing and needed. Something i can rely on. Something truthful.

But those honest eyes are too honest to lie. I, once again, don't know. I don't know if its because i know her too well to notice, or because those blue eyes are just so honest. So pure, so easy to see trough.
She is more than what she seems. She is like the layers of a rainbow cake. Each layer has a different touch in it. She is more than the white icing and the rainbow sprinkles. You swim deep through her and you will find the color in her. She is colorful, but unfortunately, she embraces the dark colors too.
I know there is something behind her smiles and laughs. Sometimes i caught her off guard, when her eyes lingered on nothing. On those times, i could see her suffering her own battle inside herself. Her eyes were empty, and i couldn't find the blue ocean that i loved. On those times, i thought i was gonna lose her.

But no. Those lovely blue eyes always come back to me. And I was grateful for that. Even though i knew that she was still fighting, and that she wasn't healing, I was grateful.

I know she has been hurt deeply. I know she is broken inside. I know she is vulnerable, but most importantly i know that she is strong enough to win this battle on her own. She never told me what was bugging her, what made the ocean gone. I didn't press her, but I was waiting. I was waiting for the moment when she is ready and tell me her sorrow. And I will be there to help her get up, and i will be there to band aid the scars. And I will be there to see her smile.

I remember the first time i saw her. I was looking for a book at the school library when i heard sobs through the rotten racks. It sounded like a desperate cry. I didn't know why i went to her and why i tried to cheer her up even if i didn't know her. Maybe it was because it sounded like a cry for help. Maybe i was just so bored wandering around doing nothing.

Whatever the reason was, I'm glad i did it.

First she didn't even want to look at me. She just covered her wet face with her hands. I remember reading her one poem from the book i was holding for Mr. Flinstoner's class. It was about crying and pain or something, it revolved around those things. And then she finally looked at me with confusion... And amusement. She looked at me the way stereotyped cheerleaders see English Class geeks who wear old, ugly, oversized glasses. But in a surprisingly pleasant way. At that moment, i remember being mesmerized for the first time by her beautiful eyes. And i saw, or maybe hallucinated, a liiiittle pinch of happiness between those teary eyes. At least i made her stopped crying.

The memories seems vague after that. We talked a lot since the day i rescued her from her heartbreaking cry for help. I mean.. More like i talked a lot. She just sat there in front of me at the cafe, which was 5 minutes away from school. She sat, listened, sometimes laughed at my story, sometimes she gave me a smile. But it was more than enough.

I didn't know why we hung out together. I didn't know why i liked to tell her irrelevant stories of my life that i usually didn't bother to tell anyone else. Maybe it was because i was feeling alone after being dumped by Amanda, my crazy ex-girlfriend who broke up with me because she liked my muscular neighbor who was living exactly at the house next to mine.

The break up lasted only a minute or so. Amanda came up to me with one hand tucked around my neighbor's muscular arm, and told me i was boring and she needed an adventure in her life so she has thought over this all night and she thought breaking up was the best way. And then she left, her hand still tucked around the muscular arm. I could see his biceps through the tight tee he was wearing.
I was hurt. I really cared about her. And I wanted to cry and scream at her face because i was hurt. And I wanted to set a fire to the damned house next to mine. And I wanted to tell her how much i cared and actually liked her and i would have done anything to be more "adventurous" for her. And i would have trained hard to have those biceps for her. But I didn't do anything. Instead i was becoming this little desperate guy who went to school just to daydream about the possibilities of me and her through the classes. Until Mr. Flinstoner noticed that i didn't pay any attention to his speech about how Shakespeare changed the world. So he gave me 'special' assignment to write a poem about my feelings. And that's what brought me to the library that afternoon.

Maybe i came to her because i saw me in her. Maybe because i felt like she represented my own cry-for-help. Like if i helped her, i would feel better myself.

I dont really know when we became so close. I didn't even realize when she became more open to me. It was like a waterfall with her. Everything dropped down, easy, no burdens, like it was meant to be. I talked a lot, but she talked a lot too. And we listened to each other.

Everyday after school, we would just sit at our favorite cafe, at our favorite spot which is in the corner next to the giant window. She liked it there. She said she loved watching people on the streets, to remind her that the world didn't only revolve around her. That there are people and their own problems, and that she was fortunate to have me to get through hers. And I was happy to hear that, even if she didn't tell me what was hers. And I once again mesmerized by her. Not with her eyes this time, it was by her. Her shredded heart that still has a room for love, care and thoughtfulness.

Her favorite drink was soda, and i reminded her that it wasn't healthy... Practically everyday. And she would just roll her eyes, and sipped her soda some more. We would just sit there enjoying each other company. Sometimes we talk about our past, our present, and our dreamy future. Sometimes we just sit there, doing homework. Sometimes she reads novel and i play games on my laptop. Sometimes we just drink and eat, enjoy the music that plays through the speakers. Her favorite part is always the rain. She smiles whenever the rain starts to fall down, like she was opening a Christmas gift from Santa.

I don't know when i started to become attached to her. Or her to me. We somehow started to talk on the phone right after we got home, because we missed each other's presence. We started to hang out at weekends. We went to the park, she accompanied me to Nike, or i accompanied her to Topshop. And then i started to care and like her more than i should, and i thought she did too.
Until today. 

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